Anthro 101: Seeking the Perspective of the Other

Recently, I was working on an exercise that was to be part of the Martin Luther King assembly for our Upper School students. Head of Upper School Laura Russell asked me to write a poem using Beverly Tatum’s format of “I am from…” which asks one to reflect on where he/she is from. One of the quotes I grew up with that I included in my poem was “Think of how the other person feels”. Coincidentally, at the same time, I came across the following from Richard Carlson’s Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff : “Anthropology is a science dealing with man and his origins. In this strategy, however, I’ll conveniently redefine anthropology as ‘being interested, without judgment, in the way other people choose to live and behave….’ When you are genuinely curious about the way someone reacts or the way they feel about something, it’s unlikely that you will be annoyed. In this way, becoming an anthropologist is a way of becoming less frustrated by the actions of others.” As I considered these ideas, I realized they tied together four of my areas of interest and made me aware of a changed perspective over the years.

There are few groups under the microscope more often than referees. They make hundreds of decisions every game in split seconds and each one can have a potential impact on the game involved. In this day and age, we can watch every play over and over in slow motion. Most often, we hear, “How can they miss so many calls?” particularly when they are against our team. However, I am amazed by how often when we watch replays, the officials’ decisions are upheld or that, even when run repeatedly in slow motion, we are still not sure. I have done some refereeing and anyone who has done that knows it is impossible to see everything going on. Therefore, that missed call might be from an obstructed view rather than a desire to favor one team (which, by the way, always seems to be our opponent). Taking the anthropologist’s view, I believe the referee’s goal is to officiate as well as possible in very demanding situations. That perspective makes it easier to focus on the game and less on the officiating.

As I write this, we have been in presidential campaign mode for many months with eight months still to go. With countless debates, talk shows, and commercials behind us and with many still to come, people are choosing sides. One of the joys of this country is that we all have a right to our own opinions. The ongoing dialogue that is part of the process helps inform those opinions. Yet, we often seem to not only take sides but also feel the need to attack the motives of anyone who takes a different position. We hear that certain candidates do not care about the nation’s economy or security or that they hope the country fails. Could that really be the case, or is it that the candidates have different views of how to help their nation become stronger and more secure? I believe that the legislative gridlock that we often see is the result of a refusal to acknowledge that perspective even if there are disagreements about the specifics. Perhaps our democracy would be more robust if our politicians took the anthropologist’s point of view.

The other groups I mentioned are the ones I spend the most time with, namely parents and children. Early in my career as an administrator, someone told me that in her many years as an administrator, even the most out of control and upset parents have an underlying reason for their behavior, which she called “the nugget.” Listening for that nugget in a conversation completely changed my perspective from wondering why a parent might be so upset with me to looking for the underlying cause of the upset, which is often their love of their child and their hopes for their future. That slight shift has helped me be of more help to those parents. The same perspective has been an asset in dealing with children, whether in school or in my home. In my early years of working with children, forty years ago, I remember becoming very frustrated and spending my energy wondering “Why don’t they get it?” or “Why don’t they try harder?” By putting all the blame on them, I was letting myself off the hook. I have come to believe that most children want to do well, and by starting at that point, my approach has changed. My focus turns to what might be interfering with their learning and how to identify different strategies that might be helpful. I want to be clear that this view does not eliminate all frustration, particularly with my own children, since my love for them and the resulting emotions can make it very difficult to be an anthropologist. However, by striving for the goal of understanding before judging, that frustration can be lessened.

In all the instances described above, seeking the perspective of the other can be a helpful tool for understanding. At Pike, we are very fortunate to be in a supportive community that often works to find common ground. A large part of our social curriculum is to help our students become responsible citizens, which could be defined as being interested in the viewpoints of others in a non-judgmental way. My hope is that today’s children will be more skilled in this area than we are, for the end result would be a better society.